Learning to Live with Both Light and Dark - Mondays with Maya

Sat nam,

I want to tell you a little story about light and dark, and facing your fears. 

Learning to Live with Both Light and Dark

At the beginning of December, I had a dream. I got a very strong message to go away for a month on my own... I saw myself on an island which was empty, with no one around... it was a beautiful place, one that I have often imagined when I thought of what Paradise must look like. It reminded me of that scene in the movie "Contact" when Jodie Foster met her deceased father somewhere in the galaxy.

I  was very uncomfortable when I woke up as the feeling of being alone over the holidays, Christmas and the New year, and to be away from my family was very unappealing... the fear started to rise in me immediately. I didn't want to think about it again, but during the day this thought kept bugging me.

Then, out of the blue, my friend Uschi called and while we were chatting, said that no one will be occupying their island house in the Bahamas this holiday season and that I was welcome to use it. I had actually been there 9 years ago and guess what... it looks exactly like the place in my dream... Sometimes the universe is subtle, but not in this instance!

I suddenly heard myself just blurting out, "I will be there!" After I put the phone down, I realized what I had just done and panic started to get a hold of me. My voice of reason was saying, "pick up the phone and cancel it right now!" My other voice was saying, "follow your heart, this will be great for you, it is your opportunity to do and feel what you preach.”

I tell my students constantly to bite the bullet, to face their fears, to deal with challenges... Now it was my turn! 

So I did it. I left on the 10th of December. I arrived in Paradise and now all I had to do was meditate, chant, do yoga... easy-peasy, right? Nope!! 

With no one around, no one to talk to, pitch blackness at night, in addition to the regular power cuts in an unknown place... Turns out, paradise sometimes is no fun at all! I kept hearing all sorts of weird sounds... and instead of the idyllic situation I had imagined, my mind was soooo busy with negative scary doomsday thoughts that no mantra or meditation could solve it.

I realized how crazy the paradox was; the opposites were so pronounced. Being in paradise and yet being in my own personal inner hell... the sun was so bright during the day, and yet the night was so dark. One minute I was feeling so positive and uplifted with inspiring thoughts, and the next minute I was crying, looking at fear dead in the eyes, desperate...

And you know something? That is what life is all about.

I wanted to sit with all the emotions that come up, and I even stopped chanting and meditating as even that was distracting me from facing the fear and sadness... those two were the only friends that I had to talk to.

I say "friends" now, but they started off as my biggest enemies. Only when I surrendered and gave in, accepted what is, and realized that the union of those opposites is the only way to free yourself from those scary emotions and become their friend was I able to feel at peace, and actually enjoy the rest of my time there. 

The reason I wanted to share this story with you is because I want you to know that when you ask me for advice and suggestions on how to deal with the scariest thoughts and emotions, I wanted you to know that I do understand exactly how you feel as I allowed myself to go through it and I'm proud of myself for doing so, as should you be when you go through trying situations. 

I am so Grateful for having the tools that Kundalini yoga and Yogi Bhajan has given me as I don’t think I could have made it without it. I feel very privileged to have mantra, yoga and meditation as an integral part of my life.

Thank you all for being patient with me and allowing me to be your guide.

Sat Nam.

Maya x 

P.S. For more about negativity and fear, have a look at this post that I wrote a few weeks back with many fear-busting tools to help you on your journey.